Creative Blocks: How To Manage Impostor Syndrome As An Artist
Impostor syndrome is basically when a person doubts that their personal accomplishments have meaning to them and they see themselves as a fraud.
My Artistic Beginning...
In 2012 I was talking to a friend and telling her I really wanted to try out acrylic painting. Up until this point I had only done sketches with pencil. We were sitting down for lunch and so when we finished she asked if I wanted to take a trip to Michael's.
We took a trip and next thing I knew I had bought the Artist Loft acrylics and canvases. I was ready to paint.
I went home and I didn't have a desk at the time so I sat on the carpet propped up the canvas with a box behind it and painted.
This is the first painting I did. I wanted it to be an orchid. I knew it didn't look like an orchid but I loved the process of doing it playing with the colors that I didn't care. I loved it.
Here's the thing I didn't take a fancy class, I didn't know about color theory, I didn't get fancy paint, or anything like that. All I knew was that I followed my intuition to create this.
An Artist Dealing with Impostor Syndrome...
Later I realized that the paint I had bought wasn't the best, it was in my budget ($5.00 bucks I think). I started to create more and more. However, I felt like such an impostor when it came to calling myself and artist. When people asked if I was an artist I thought "ummm....well I like to paint, but I'm not an artist because...:
1. I don't have a large body of work
2. I don't have a "style"
3. I don't have any formal training and I use budget supplies
4. No one has bought anything from me...yet
5. I don't know what I'm doing, just following my gut
6. I don't eat and live in art
7. I don't have my art in galleries
8. My art isn't really fine art, it's just well art...I don't even know what to call it, hence the style thing
9. No one really knows that I love creating
10. Well I'm sure there's more to this list"...but see items all the above items for now
So there I was listing away all the reasons why I wasn't an artist. It took me such a long time to build up the courage to show my artwork on any kind of social media or anyone outside my family. Up until probably 2014 I just didn't show my work at all. It was quietly living in my room. I felt safe there. I didn't want to taint my beautiful fun art with the doubts or judgments of others.
When I finally shared my artwork on social media I don't think I actually shared much of what I was painting. I think I started to share my wreck this journal process. Why? Well because I wasn't an artist of course.
Effects of Impostor Syndrome
The truth is that feeling like I was an impostor stopped me from creating in various styles because I thought well I'm not an artist why should I attempt that. Then I wanted to find my style and I had to try different styles to get there.
I discovered that well I loved creating in MANY different styles. So that meant I reallllly wasn't an artist because well artists have ONE style or A style, not MANY different styles. SO I still wasn't an artist.
Finally recently I realized I'm an artist because I create, not because of the rules and regulations that we have created. I'm an artist because I enjoy the process, because I want to evoke emotions in people, because I don't just paint, I draw, I write, cook, etc.
Creativity is more than just artistic creativity, it's being alive in your life. It's living life and not being just a passive watcher of it happening.
Creativity lives in all of us. It's just that some of us are scared to swim in it because we think about all the molds we don't fit. We feel like impostors to want to pick up a paint brush or make a delicious meal or create a beautiful garden in our home, or heck build a home. We get scared and all of this blocks our creativity from being born.
So how do we move away from all of this?
The truth is that you have to get real with yourself. First and foremost you have to start developing self-awareness. That means you have to get to know who you are first. I don't mean in superficial sense either. I mean you might have to start going to therapy or read books like, Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, and 
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
You have to start looking deeper inside your soul to discover what makes you feel alive. When you can being this process you can being to live a creative life.
You can then being to decide who you are and what your creativity means for YOU.
For me I'm a multi-passionate woman of color who has many creative outlets which allow me to get closer to my human purpose on this earth.
I want to get deeper into this topic, but I think for now this is a good starting point. Share down below your own experience of impostor syndrome. Your experience may vary *wink*.
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Tell me do you suffer from impostor syndrome? If you do how do you deal with impostor syndrome?
Use the following books to help you manage your impostor syndrome!
